The second component you need to develop and “Success personality” is good communication and understanding.
Yesterday, I discussed how you can only truly continue to achieve success if you have a sense of direction, even after you have achieved you had previously set yourself, such as a promotion at work.
All the ingredients of a success personality include:
The second component you need is…
𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗠𝗨𝗡𝗜𝗖𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗨𝗡𝗗𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗜𝗡𝗚
Understanding depends upon good communication.
Communication is vital to any guidance system or computer. You cannot react appropriately if the information you act upon is faulty or misunderstood.
Many doctors believe that “confusion” is the basic element in neurosis.
To deal effectively with a problem, you must have some understanding of its true nature. Most of our failures in human relations are due to poor communication, leading to mis-understandings.
We expect other people to react and respond and come to the same conclusions as we do from a given set of “facts” or “circumstances.”
I know I certainly fall victim to this expectation, and get frustrated when other do not come to the some conclusions as me.
We should remember 𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 “𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦,” but to his own mental images.
Most of the time the other person’s reaction or position is not taken in order to make us suffer, nor to be hard-headed, nor malicious, but because they “understands” and interprets the situation differently from us.
They are simply responding appropriately to what—to them seems to be the truth about the situation.
To give the other person credit for being sincere, if mistaken, rather than wilful and malicious, can do much to smooth out human relations and bring about better understanding between people.
Ask yourself, “How does this appear to them?”
“How do they interpret this situation?”
“How do they feel about it?”
Try to understand why they might “act the way he does.”
Or ask the person, “what story are you telling yourself about this situation?” if you think they are able to be self reflective.
Communication: Fact vs. Opinion
Many times we create confusion when we add our own opinion to facts and come up with the wrong conclusion.
FACT: A husband cracks his knuckles.
OPINION: The wife concludes, “He does that because he thinks it will annoy me.”
FACT: The wife licks her fingers after eating.
OPINION: The husband concludes, “If he had any regard for me, she would improve her manners.”
FACT: Two friends are whispering when you walk up. Suddenly they stop talking and look somewhat embarrassed.
OPINION: They must have been gossiping about me.
The husbands and wives were able to understand that their spouses annoying mannerisms were not deliberate and wilful acts on their parts for the purposes of annoying or disrespecting each other.
When they stop reacting as if they have been personally insulted, they are able to pause, analyse the situation, and select an appropriate response.
𝗕𝗲 𝗪𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗦𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗧𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵
Often, we colour incoming sensory data by our own fears, anxieties, or desires.
But to deal effectively with environment, we must be willing to acknowledge the truth about it.
Only when we understand what it is can we respond appropriately.
We must be able to see the truth, and to accept the truth, good or bad.
One theory as to a reason why Hitler lost World War II was that he did not fully understand the situation.
Bearers of bad news were punished. Soon no one dared tell him the truth. Not knowing the truth, he could not act appropriately.
Many of us are individually guilty of the same error.
We do not like to admit to ourselves our errors, mistakes, shortcomings, or ever admit we have been in the wrong.
We do not like to acknowledge that a situation is other than we would like it to be, so we kid ourselves, and because we will not see the truth, we cannot act appropriately.
Someone has said that it is a good exercise to daily admit one painful fact about ourselves to ourselves.
The Success-type personality not only does not cheat and lie to other people, they are honest with themselves.
What we call “sincerity” is itself based upon self-understanding and self-honesty.
For no person can be sincere who lies to themselves by “rationalising,” or telling himself “rationalities.”
𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙧𝙘𝙞𝙨𝙚 𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣:
Seek out true information concerning yourself, your problems, other people, or the situation, whether it is good news or bad news. Adopt the motto—”It doesn’t matter who’s right, but what’s right.”
An automatic guidance system on a missile corrects its course from negative feedback data. It acknowledges errors in order to correct them and stay on course. So must you.
Admit your mistakes and errors but don’t cry over them. Correct them and go forward.
In dealing with other people, try to see the situation from their point of view as well as your own.
Yours optimally,
Scott
This post is inspired by and a modified extract from the book, ‘Psycho-Cybernetics‘ by Maxwell Maltz
Read more… Six Myths of Vulnerability
