The harsh but true reality is that the majority of what happens in your life – positive or negative – is your fault. The quicker you come to this realisation, the sooner things start to improve. Develop an active mindset and seize control of your life.
We have all met, or been, that person who always feels hard done by; that nothing is their fault
It is not my fault I was late for the interview. The Tube was busy.
It is not my fault that business failed. No one was in the market for what I was selling
It is not my fault I was poor at my job and got fired. They should have given me more time.
There are a few rare cases where delays are unavoidable or bad timing or irrational workplaces, however the majority of the time these kinds of situations are your fault. If you do not open your eyes to these facts, you are going to continue to find yourself in deep water repeatedly.
You should have planned for it to be a busy commute.
You did not want to work hard enough or did not know enough about running a business to make it succeed.
You should have asked more questions, requested more support and worked hard to learn the skills you need to do the job well.
“Inspiration is for amateurs — the rest of us just show up and get to work.”
Chuck Close
A passive mindset correlates strongly with fixed/entity mindset: the belief that abilities are fixed and can not be improved. When you adopt the passive mindset, you end up saying the most dangerous two words in learning, personal development and fulfilment, “I can’t.”
Well, as Obama and will.i.am would say, ‘Yes [you] can!’. You just need to be willing to put in the work. You need to be willing to pay the price. You need to be willing to make the sacrifices and face the obstacles.
The passive mindset corresponds with the belief that life happens to you. You are fatalistic. You are not responsible for your journey. Persons with a passive mindset ask questions like, “Why does this always happen to me?”
Semantics – the language you use – is very important, especially in regards to what is going on in your life. If your language is passive, you will progressively convince yourself that you have no control. This may have the subtle benefit of making you feel good because it removes responsibility from you, but it also means that you do not have to do the hard work of doing some introspection and changing something in your life.
The only thing that is constant is change
Heraclitus
I have a lesson to teach you some: you are responsible. You are responsible for how you react to the positives and negatives of life. You are in control of your own mental chat to yourself.
An active attitude means taking control. An active mindset means taking ownership of your failures. An active mindset means you are responsible for everything in your control.
“Sorry, I should’ve planned more time for rush hour, I’ll do that next time.”
“Geez, that business had no hope! I really did not know what I was doing. I’ll have to do more research on what is needed to succeed”
“I got made redundant because I was not need. Next time I’ll make myself indispensable.”
If you find yourself saying “I can’t,” instead change it to “I am choosing not to because….“
“I am choosing to skip this workout because….”
“I am choosing not to invest time in studying something new because…”
“I am choosing to eat unhealthy food because….”
It is not that you can not do that thing, it is that you are choosing to make poor choices because you are not willing to pay the cost – whether the cost by money, time, effort or will power. Stop pretending it is someone or something else’s fault; you are kidding yourself.
Take responsibility for your life and choices. Own the journey. Take control
Enjoy!
Scott